As I am a writer, I thought I'd do a little selfless experiment on whether or not I fit the bill put forward by this cartoon. So whether or not this suits every aspiring novelist out there I'll let you read what I've put and decide for yourself. Incidentally, any fellow bloggers reading this, I say you give this a try too.
Childhood
Trauma
I was bullied and spent a brief moment in a mental
hospital where I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. But, the closest to a
childhood trauma happened when I was 13, when my brother and I were attacked by
a gang of thugs and I was left with a broken nose and several broken teeth. We
did take the perpetrators to court and they were found guilty – but the cynicism
and paranoia that set in for me after being set upon is the closest I’ve ever
come to trauma. Thankfully, I’m over it all now and have more faith in
humanity, but what made that incident so frightening, was that my world
collided with another. Another world full of thuggery, violence and blind hate.
It certainly gave me the experience to know how to write about gore and violent
altercations.
Miserable
Job
I am in a job which does get very repetitive and
boring at times, but it is rewarding when a customer thanks you for your
service and even has the decency to talk to you as if you were a friend. But
the most miserable job, ironically, involved blogging. Spending eight hours
staring into a computer screen and churning out blog post after blog post about
things I have no passion for is certainly no profession I’d take on today. And
what was worse, was I could write all the blogs required for each shift in two
hours at the minimum. If you find yourself in a job where you know your skills
aren’t being stretched or challenged – get out of there immediately.
Moment
of Self Discovery
I’ve always wanted to write stories and from a young
age people said I’d make a good writer. I can’t recall a single moment where I said
to myself ‘I must write,’ but the idea of writing both fiction or non has
always been lurking in the back of my head each time I ponder a new career
move. I’ve had a stab at other things I’ve always wanted to do: actor, musician,
radio presenter, journalist, screenwriter and film director; but novels and
short stories have never abandoned me. I can hear them calling me back now as I
type this. Another world full of ghosts, vampires, politics, dragons and weird
and wonderful adventure is to be sculpted into being.
Episode
of Debauchery
Can’t say I’ve been on such an episode in a long
time, but my university days did involve lots of drinking and occasional use of
narcotics. When I was young and everyone else was banging on about how great it
was to get drunk at the weekend, I turned straight edge. Until I realised how
it is best to treat alcohol as a delicacy, and I took a fancy for the finer
things: real ale and single malt whisky. Two things your average joe couldn’t
stomach. That’s enough on my private life, but hopefully one day I’ll publish a
book which emulates nearly every debauched and crazed encounter I can remember.
If you’re looking for a good book that offers something very similar, I recommend
Less Than Zero by Bret Easton Ellis.
Pathologic
Ambition
Again, writing stories has always been there in my
head so I won’t expand on ambition any further.
Loyal
Pet
I do not have a pet, but my girlfriend’s cats are
very loyal and are very loving and affectionate whenever I visit them. So here’s
to you Emerald and Sooty.
Neglected
Spouse
First of all, I’m not married. Secondly, I have not
neglected the woman I love, nor will I ever in the future. In fact, she
encourages me to write and do the things that mean a lot to me, and I do the
same for her. Why would you neglect the one you love for the sake of your
career? If you want to become the next Charles Bukowski, that doesn’t
automatically warrant that you behave just like him. Go your own way and
give it your best shot.
Personal
Demons
I suffer from Asperger Syndrome, which means I suffer
from the following symptoms: severe anxiety, depression, inability to read
non-verbal social cues, high sensitivity, easily embarrassed and the inability
to understand when someone isn’t being serious. There was a time when I was
taking anti-depressants but that didn’t last long.
Years
of Boring Hard Work
I’ve spent many years working on the things that I want
published, and yes there are times when you just want to throw in the towel and
yell ‘what’s the point?’ But the best advice I can give here, is just do it. You
never know whether or not you’re onto a winner with whichever piece of prose or
poetry you come up with. The same can be said for whether you self publish your
work or if you try the harder, more traditional route of finding an agent. Hard
work should always pay off – and being a writer, you have full control over
what you create, so whatever you say goes.
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