I'm sitting in my university room at the moment having just sent off a few more applications for MA courses in Journalism. This comes after recieving an essay upon which I just scraped a 2:2. The thoughts occupying my mind at present are those of doubt and self loathing.
Following every attempt I make at trying to move on in the world I always experience the feelings of stress and anxiety - always unsure on whether or not i'm making the right move. As well as the bad feelings concerning job hunting in the fairly near future, I am also feeling low at wanting to fulfil my dreams and that others around me are already aspiring into glory whilst I lag behind.
These feelings have been with me last night when I found that a friend had landed herself in a film role. This, among the hope of publishing a book or recording my own music one day has been my own aspiration for many a year. Now it seems that the holes in my persona are being exposed as real life sets in.
I guess on a more positive note, I've just begun my degree module on Engendering Politics which is something i've always wanted to study. Hopefully by this time next week I'll have overcome this stress of applying for a future and think myself lucky when I remember I haven't faced the same problems my foremothers were faced with.