I was walking down the streets of Cambridge the
other day enjoying the sunshine, when I passed by a group of people handing out
free Christian literature bearing the slogan: ‘What does the bible do for you?’
I ignored them but the slogan triggered something in
my head which I was certainly not expecting. For the best part of my life I have
been a non believer. I don’t actually think I can recall ever truly claiming to
believe in God because even as a 4 year old at a Christian school, I could tell
the bible stories told to us were just fairy tales with a Christian twist.
But the slogan of what the bible has taught me, gave
me what has to be the real reason I’ve never believed in a god nor an afterlife
and it’s quite simple: religion does not work for someone with anxiety.
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| All Saints Church, Bishop's Stortford - where I was forced to go at school. |
As I’ve mentioned on here several times before, I suffer
from Asperger’s Syndrome, an area of the autism spectrum, and one of the
symptoms of this is anxiety. In my day to day life I face attacks of worry and
scares usually triggered by the actions of others or because I don’t know how
things I do will turn out.
And in religion, particularly the Christianity that
was bestowed upon me by my schooling, you have to be aware of all your actions
and decisions and anything moral or doable because if you do something that
might offend the holy father, you’re going to end up in hell for all eternity.
Now for somebody who is made anxious by something
that may appear trivial to another, having to think long and hard about
everything you do and having to turn to a 2,000 year old text which contradicts
itself a horrendous number of times, then religious faith really isn’t the way
to live your life.
I have thought about why I don’t believe in an
afterlife and I’ve come to the conclusion that death being the end of
everything is quite satisfying for me. Knowing that we’re all heading for the
same ending is very pleasing and has a sense of equality to it. I’ve been
striving for equality all my life, and I have noticed, that regardless of how
equal society is becoming day by day, only true equality exists in the
graveyard.
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| Bishop's Stortford Cemetery - where I usually go. |
Anyone in your cemetery could have been a
billionaire or a flea-ridden peasant in their life but they lie side by side in
peace and harmony. Everyone has their own story and we live in a world where we
are constantly told to compete against one another to feel successful, be it
financially or educationally.
Religion holds such an attitude as well. Regardless of
how much people say ‘let the lord have mercy upon your soul’, all religions
function around the principles where its followers can compete against others
to be ‘the good guy’. Now being religious DOES NOT make you a good person, nor
does doing more things deemed good than others, such as giving more to charity
than your next door neighbour, etc.
This is essentially every reason why I have never
felt the need to worship someone or something or have faith. If I were to break
faith down, I’ll tell you that faith is something you HOPE to be true, because
you can easily lose it or withdraw yourself from it. I’ll add too that science
is different from faith because it is evidence based and can weigh up the pros
and cons in a manner that faith cannot. Being told to be faithful and having to
watch every move you make or every thought or feeling that enters your head is
not something good for a person with anxiety on so many levels.
If you are anxious about life and are seeking a way
forward, then turning to a set of ideas where you must have the burden of your
god upon you at all times, then that for me does not aid a problem like
anxiety, it actually makes the problem worse. I have been prone to panic
attacks and severe stomach aches in my lifetime which have all been brought on
by worries, particularly of other people. Because I feel the need to be
cautious around lots of people, can you imagine just how much pain I would feel
if I were thinking and worrying long and hard every day about what the holy
father might say to me on judgement day?
And the idea of the apocalypse and judgement day is
also something I cannot recommend to someone who worries a great deal and finds
it very hard to control themselves.
Now I’ll just round up with a statement of
neutrality and say that I am not against people being religious and if you
disagree with everything I’ve said here, that’s absolutely fine. This is a
statement explaining why I don’t need to worship someone or something and why I
feel much better knowing there is an end to the road that is life. I also will
say that science is an ideal explanation to many of the curiosities I hold
because I can apply it to humanity. I cannot apply such deep and contradicted
things like the love of god nor the symbolism of the son of man to people’s
lives and understand how it can work. Yes science can be dehumanising, but
ethics comes into science more than religion in my opinion. I have many
memories of being told to stop questioning religion ethically from a very young
age.
This is why I don’t do Jesus. I don’t do Allah. I
don’t do Vishnu nor the many other gods/goddesses or whatnot that people
follow. But if you do, then that’s fine because we all have the freedom to
believe and not to believe.
I am going to be making this the first in a series
of posts that explain my stance on religion and on atheism, secularism,
humanism and how I think society should treat faith.
I’ll see you again next time when I explain why
faith schools should not exist and religion should stay out of politics.
